Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I believe in your delicious
I need a beard to bite.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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