I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your penis caused this!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
