Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
