I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
