Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
