Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?