I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila