i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
