Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.