Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
