and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
