Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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