Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize