Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Can I color on your dick again?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
