I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
