Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
