Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
