she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
