there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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