I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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