Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
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My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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