What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
