party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
