I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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