Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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