party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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