Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
