I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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