After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
