Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
