Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm both gender and math confused
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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