we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
