My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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