Girls should come with a carfax report
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
