If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
