in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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