She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
