News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
