I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
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I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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