she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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