so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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