i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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