He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
