can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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