then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
