Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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