Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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