he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize