What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
