Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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