Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
