I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
