I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
