You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
