Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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