cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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