he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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