she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
