Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
