i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
