wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
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I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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