My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
