We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
God, I missed his penis.
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