enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
