Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
