you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
