Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
