at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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