His hands were made for my vagina.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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