u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
