I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
