I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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