Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
