So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
