He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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