I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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